Most women are damned-if-they-do and damned-if-they-don’t when it comes to communicating in the male-dominated worlds of politics, business, and education. Professional women, especially women managers, are expected to be both authoritative and feminine. This is quite a challenge. In my experience as a communications trainer and coach, most women have to sacrifice some likeability for authority.

Great communicators, regardless of their gender, possess likeability, authority, and credibility. I call this “the terrific triad.”

Likeability is how people respond to us. Some will assess our likeability by their first impression of us. For a few, this “four-second window” is a breeze. These rare men and women have naturally high likeability factors: a face, smile, or a presence to which people instantly warm. Most of us, however, have to win people over quickly.

Interestingly enough, positive first impressions are not ultimately determined by how we look, but by how we make the other person feel. The more confident and comfortable they are, the more they will like us.

Generally, women possess high likeability factors. But in order to maximize this trait, they must balance likeability with authority and credibility. How? By flexing their communication muscle.

Here are five suggestions on how this can be done:

1. Don't wait for an invitation or permission.

If you must, interrupt. Interrupting is a common practice in business, despite what we’ve all been taught about good manners. Controlling the direction of discussion is a key business battleground. In order to be consistently effective communicators, women must hold their ground when speaking.

2. Get to the point and stay there.

Business speak—like most men's conversational styles—is linear. Be succinct. Avoid personal stories and too much detail. Be honest and direct without being unfriendly.

Wandering off topic, or allowing participants in a meeting or discussion to go off topic, is not a communication trait exclusive to women by any means. However, it is counterproductive. Bringing everyone back on task and being sure that your own message keeps its course are skills any effective communicator must have.

3. Adopt “masculine” communication traits.

Communication styles typically deemed to be “masculine,” reinforce authority.

Turn up the volume, and lower the pitch. Maintain steady eye contact, don't nod your head or cock it to the side. This position is sympathetic and can even be taken as condescending. Don't smile excessively or fidget. "Own" the space on which you stand or sit.

Avoid letting your intonation rise at the end of a sentence—what Jerry Seinfeld termed “up-talking.” Up-talkers often appear uncertain about what they are saying, thus losing all authority and credibility.

Being comfortable speaking on the fly has everything to do with confidence and authenticity. When you are confident your own abilities, strengths, skills, assets and value, you will speak confidently, regardless of the size of the group or the topic of discussion.

4. Avoid disclaimers.

Avoid "buts," self put-downs, unwarranted apologies, excuses, or upward intonations. Again, this has to do with confidence, and top management values confidence and conviction above all else.

Most women have a conversational style that strives to make others feel comfortable. To accomplish this, many women position their beliefs as opinions and use disclaimers before they speak, such as, “I may be wrong about this, but.…” While this conversational style is extremely effective in building consensus, it can undermine the authority of the speaker.

5. Remain flexible.

Women are not alone in the call to flex their communication style in business today. Some situations call for a "command and control" male communications strategy, but others require a "softer" female approach that is more collaborative.

More and more businessmen are seeing that a collaborative communications style works better in some business situations: for example, recruiting and retaining the brightest talent, and creating and maintaining strategic business partnerships. And as women gain more power, men are finding that they have no choice but to adapt their styles to match those of women.

Body Language and Presence

As you know, the majority of communication is not spoken. How we stand, how we dress, the way we carry ourselves and the way our voices sound all affect the way others perceive us, hence influencing both our likeability and authority factors.

I advise both men and women to stand in their full power by placing their feet shoulder-width apart and equally distributing their weight.

Eye contact is essential, however staring is unnerving. When speaking to a group, select one person with whom to maintain eye contact until you have completed a thought. Then move on to someone else. Darting eyes and swiveling heads do not say “I’m in control here.”

Pausing also signals authority. There is power in the pause and it should be used to emphasize important points.

Stance, eye contact, pausing, and vocal quality enhance a businesswoman’s authority when she speaks, but nothing creates a more powerful impression than conviction. While many women have strong convictions, they often have a difficult time expressing them. This brings about the final component of the terrific triad: credibility.

When women speak with absolute certainty, claiming their full authority, their likeability factor may decrease, but it is worth it if they are able to garner the respect and recognition they deserve.

About the Author

Randy Siegel is an international trainer, executive coach and the author of Engineer Your Career and Powerhouse Presenting. His areas of expertise include rapport-building, communication skills, career development, personal branding and midlife transitions. Visit his website at www.buildyourleaders.com/. Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it