Free Coaching Lesson

Moving Beyond Fear

Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it.
Go out and get busy.
—Dale Carnegie

In my previous lesson, I discussed ways to recognize your own fear symptoms and the importance of embracing your fears. In this lesson I will offer some ways to move beyond fear so that you can pursue your goals.

I like to define FEAR as “False Expectations Accepted as Reality” because most of the time our fears prove to be unfounded. They often appear before we even begin a project, but soon we accept our nervous ideas as the truth.

Let’s look at some examples of situations in which we are confronted with fear and some ways to deal with it. Remember that we are using fear as a catalyst, a motivation for change.

Susan would love to go back to college. She completed her associates degree, but now, after having two children, she would like to complete her bachelors. She knows that if she succeeds, she will open herself up to new job promotions and better pay, as well as renew her confidence in her own abilities. She also feels that completing the degree will provide a wonderful example to her two young daughters. However, Susan is afraid that she will fail. What if she can’t keep up? It’s been years since she was last in a classroom. Everyone else will be younger. What if she fails?

Karen has been working in a mid-sized company for about 10 years, has gained a lot of experience, and has worked her way up the career ladder. For the last six months, she has felt less satisfied in her job and is looking for a new challenge. She likes the idea of becoming a freelance consultant and feels that she would be good at this. However, were she to give up her job, she fears that she might be unable to support her family while her fledgling company gets going. She is a key wage-earner in her household and worries that she will place a huge financial burden on her husband while she establishes herself as a consultant.

Beth is financially stable and her children are now in college, freeing her up to pursue her own interests. She lives in a very traditional, conservative neighborhood, but has always wanted to have a small organic farm. She fears that her friends and family will look down on her. They’ll think she’s going mad from loneliness now that her children aren’t at home. They’ll label her an aging hippy and gossip behind her back.

Perhaps one of these situations sounds familiar to you: Susan’s fear of failure, Karen’s fear of poverty, Beth’s fear of what others will think. They are all very real and very valid fears, but if allowed to control the situations will stop these women from progressing. Each woman is faced with exciting new possibilities, if only she can get past the fear.

The best way to deal with fear, and I can’t repeat this often enough, is preparation. Susan decides to take a night class for a few months before going back to work on her degree, to get back into the habit of studying and to build her confidence in a nonthreatening environment. By the time she reenters college, she is excited by the challenges facing her and ready for the challenges of academic life. Meanwhile, Karen also takes steps to prepare for her transition. She begins a steady savings plan, putting away part of her monthly salary so that, when she does quit her job, the savings will help sustain the family through the lean months. She also begins to spread the word about her future plans, taking on an occasional client in the evenings to build her reputation. After a year or so, she feels more confident that she can take the plunge and already has several useful references.

Now we come to Beth. Fear of what others might say is possibly the most pervasive and the most destructive kind of fear, because it involves projecting onto others reactions that are entirely imaginary. Fear of monetary problems has a base in reality, as does fear of failure. However, fear of what others might say is based on our own secret thoughts. Unfortunately, this type of fear can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing us to withdraw from the very people who could provide a strong support system and preventing our even trying. Beth is expecting her neighbors and friends to be unsupportive. If she instead focuses on the positive, she may be able to create a very different outcome. In fact, her friends might love to buy freshly grown organic produce. They might tell their friends and open up a whole range of new possibilities.

Dealing with fear is an ongoing process. You can beat fear in one situation, but that doesn’t mean it won’t come back at another time. When it does, use the tools you have acquired to continue moving forward. Remind yourself that the goal in life is not to be entirely without fear, but rather to be fearless.

ACTION STEPS:

1. Pinpoint the key aspect of a specific fear you are currently experiencing – failure, money, etc. Once you have done this, explore ways to prepare for the situation should it arise. Preparation is key to fighting fear.

2. Ask for input from one or two trusted colleagues, mentors or friends. Don’t allow any negativity to hold you back. If you receive negative input, allow it to bring a new perspective to the situation. Are the person’s comments justified? Do they suggest a new set of issues to be dealt with or a new way of dealing with existing problems?