Free Coaching Lesson

Stop Settling For Burnt Toast!

Imagine sitting down for an important breakfast meeting with clients. When the overworked waiter brings your toast, he apologizes that it is burned, but the restaurant is having a difficult morning and he hopes you’ll understand.

What would you do?

If you can see yourself taking that burnt serving, there is one simple question you need to ask yourself:

Why did you take the burnt toast?

It may seem like a small thing, but the simple action of taking the burnt toast is working against you in your personal, business, physical, and spiritual life. When you accept less than the very best life has to offer—putting yourself last instead of first—you quietly imply that you are unworthy and undeserving of the best, which sets an example for how others should treat you.

If you are like most women, you learned, from a young age, to put yourself last—selecting the less desirable item (the burnt toast), or going without. While our mothers may not have overtly taught us to take the burnt toast, the lesson was often there, in more subtle ways. What they did not tell us was that settling for less would prevent our experiencing everything life has to offer.

I consider the burnt-toast syndrome a symptom of the “sacrifice lifestyle” disease. Contrary to popular belief, the sacrifice lifestyle doesn't make you a good person. It puts you in a frame of mind conducive to settling for less in every area of your life, and can very effectively cut you off from much of what life has to offer. The good news is, it's not a terminal diagnosis. There is a treatment, and you can start that treatment today!

We teach others how we want to be treated by our actions
As humans, we are wired to communicate both verbally and nonverbally. We have the ability to “read” what other people tell us without their saying a word. That's nonverbal communication. Babies are good at it. Long before a baby uses spoken language, she can read her parents' moods, learn how mom and dad are feeling and act accordingly. Stressed out parents often have fussy babies. The baby feels something isn't right, and since the baby can't say, “I think you are really stressed out and it upsets me,” she fusses and cries.

As we grow older and learn how to communicate verbally, we still rely a great deal on nonverbal communication. We may not even realize that we are doing it. Responding to nonverbal cues is reflexive by the time we are communicating verbally. This is where the sacrifice lifestyle disease comes into play.

When you choose to take the burnt toast, you are sending two messages. The first message is sent to your subconscious mind. You are telling your subconscious that you are not worthy of the very best in life. In addition, you are nonverbally communicating to others that you are not worthy of the very best that is possible. The message is a subtle one. Most of the time it won't even flash across your conscious mind, but the message is there and it's working to limit your potential and how people treat you.

Make no mistake, I'm not talking about becoming spoiled or egotistical. Asking for perfectly cooked toast is not a sign you think you are better than others, it's about accepting nothing less than the very best in life, because you are worth it. It's about understanding this to the depths of your soul. The very best is what you are meant to have. Or, to put it another way, you are the only “You” on this earth, and you were not designed for anything less than greatness.

Many years ago, I heard the quote, “Thoughts are things.” Back then, I didn't really understand what that meant. I didn't understand that my thoughts are the beginning of everything else. But they are. Thoughts become actions or inactions. Your actions or inactions dictate much of what is going on in your life. They are nonverbal communications to yourself and everyone around you. Your thoughts also dictate what your life becomes. Your thoughts ARE things, although they may not have become physically manifested – yet.

Action Steps

1. Spend some time over the coming weeks becoming aware of what you are settling for. Sometimes we settle for less without realizing it. So, with every decision you make, ask yourself, “Is this the very best that I can do?” Don't allow yourself to make excuses. Be honest with yourself when you answer. Don't put any conditions, explanations or justifications on the answer – a simple “yes” or “no” is all you get. It's either the very best, or it's not.

2. During the same period of time, begin monitoring your thoughts and actions. Try to wake up every morning anticipating the very best day ever. Imagine what such a day would look like, and expect it – every day. Keep a small notebook or journal with you at all times. Millions of thoughts cross your mind every day, so don’t write down every thought, only the ones that stick around long enough for you to become aware of them. If you find your thoughts drifting toward self-deprecation, self-denial, or other negative themes, become aware of the situation, write it down, evaluate the “why” of those thoughts, and consciously change them to the very best in that situation.