How to Communicate with Strength
to Advance Your Career

Coach: Yara Nielsenshultz

Communication is as stimulating as black coffee,
and just as hard to sleep after.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Gift from the Sea

You won't advance in your career without stellar communication skills. And communication goes far beyond the words that come out of your mouth. Everything about you—your clothing, words, and more—tells people who you are. It colors their perception of you. To control that perception and make your communication as "stimulating as black coffee," follow these tips.

Listen

Listening closely to other people—both to what they do and do not say—remains the number one way to communicate with strength. Pay attention to what other people say and you'll have a tremendous advantage over people who don't listen. Listen to what they want and need. What are their business problems and opportunities?

First, listening closely to people demonstrates that you respect them and their thoughts, so they will be more likely to form a good impression of you. If they have a good impression of you, they're more likely to talk about you to others, recommend you for projects and seek out your advice.

Second, listening closely gives you insider information. Use that information to tailor your own communication. Couch your opinions and recommendations as solutions to people's current problems or as ways for them to take advantage of their opportunities. If people can relate personally to your message, they're more likely to respond positively to it and help you meet your objectives.

Watch and emulate

Watch and emulate the people your organization publicly respects and supports. What do they wear? How do they approach other people? Are they aggressive, formal, laid-back, detailed, exuberant? What qualities do these people have in common and which ones can you emulate? I don't recommend that you act phony. Instead, consider which qualities you can draw on from within your own personality.

For example, I tend to be reserved; I am only exuberant around people I know very well. Consequently, trying to act exuberant at work would make me look foolish; it's simply not me. However, I can be formal or informal, detailed or fast-paced, and aggressive or modest as the situation requires, so those are the qualities I would choose to emulate.

Remember, people like people who are like themselves. It's human nature. Your image and reputation in your organization depend on how other people perceive you, not on how you actually are. When you're climbing the corporate ladder, take a good look at the people at the top. To get there, you need to be like them in some respect. And if you don't like the people at the top, I recommend you find a place that better fits you.

Use other people's communication styles

Everyone has a communication style, and that style is a bit like their own language. If you use other people's "language" when you communicate with them, they'll better understand and respond to you. Pay attention to how other people prefer to communicate and use that style in your own communication. Here are a few things to consider:

As you learn to emulate other people's communication styles, pay attention to how people speak to you, too. Does someone always bore or frustrate you? They're probably not using your communication style. Make sure you don't make the same mistake.

State your opinions

Many women still feel afraid to voice their opinions, a huge mistake to make in business. State your opinions, and make them public. It's far better to have opinions and be wrong (and admit it gracefully when you are) than to act like a wallflower.

Moreover, state your opinions as opinions, not as questions. If you start all of your suggestions with, "Maybe we could … " or "What about … ", you'll weaken your overall impression. Be strong. State, "I think we should … " or "We should … " Have reasons to support your opinions ready.

Brag

Make sure people know about the great things you do. As Peggy Klaus recommends in Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Horn without Blowing It (Warner Business Books, 2004), "Everyday, remind yourself of four things: your name, your title, your responsibilities, and the positive things you are accomplishing right now for your organization. Have them on the tip of your tongue raring to go." When an opportunity presents itself, share your bragging points.

I learned this lesson early. One day (back when I worked in corporate America), the company COO jumped into the elevator with me as the doors were closing. Yikes! He casually asked me how things were going. Great opportunity for me to shine, right? Nope. Instead, I froze. I cheerfully acted nonchalant and said something along the lines of things were going great, I really like my job, yadda yadda. Inside, I was dying for the elevator doors to open so I could escape. It was probably one of the more boring interactions the COO had had that day, and I blushed for weeks afterward whenever I saw him.

Lesson: always have something ready to share … and then share it. Don't let those opportunities pass you by.

ACTION STEPS

Don’t try to implement all of these steps at once. Spread them out over several weeks.

1. For three consecutive days, practice listening so closely to other people that you are able to repeat their message later to yourself, or to a cooperative friend (if the message is not confidential). As an alternative, paraphrase the message in writing.

2. Choose one person whom you know the company respects, supports, and promotes. Watch and emulate the communication style of that person for at least one week.

3. Choose one person with whom you frequently communicate. Every time you talk with that people over the next month, study his or her communication style. When you understand it sufficiently, characterize the style in a few words—preferably in writing. Then attempt to mirror that communication style the next time you talk with the person.

4. For the next month, have ready on the tip of your tongue at least two current accomplishments. Use them whenever the opportunity presents itself.

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More Information about the Coach:

The author of this Mini Coaching Lesson for WomensMedia is
Yara Nielsenshultz, Coach and Writing Consultant.

Check out additional information on Yara's Coaching Page.