Free Coaching Lesson

Resilient people recognize opportunities in hardships. They have an enhanced ability to cope with discontentment. They value a mistake as another chance to succeed. They keep their past failures from hardening into fears about the future. They are survivors, not victims. They welcome new challenges and in a nutshell—find, fight for, and truly live their purpose.

Many people consider resilience a birth gift. Rather, resilience is a choice. The following Four Pillars of Resilience can help you choose it.

Pillar #1: Know YOU—Be YOU!

There is a clear difference between knowing yourself and having the courage to actually BE yourself. Both are necessary—and both are challenging.

Let’s define “you” as a composite of three distinct elements: genetics, personality, and behavior. Genetics are your biological characteristics: gender, ethnicity, hair color, etc. Personality represents your core values, morals, beliefs…your character. Personality is not visible without some type of behavior. Behavior then, is an internally or externally motivated action. An internally motivated action is triggered by your true personality or genetic needs. An externally motivated action has been inspired by your environment or by what people say, think, or do.

Blind spots are behaviors known to others but not known to you. Most blind spots in our perception occur when responding to external motivators: promotion at work, that employee you really just do not like, more recognition of your work, etc. Blind spots create gaps between who we think we are and who others think we are. Consider the get- what-you-give formula. Our perceptions guide our behaviors, right? Our behaviors then influence the behavior of others. Finally, the behavior of others…reinforces our perceptions. See the cycle?

What do you give? Perhaps the more important question may be – how do you know?

One simple way to identify and bridge perception gaps is to identify an area of concern in your life. It might be your marriage, your leadership style, etc. Next, come up with a list of ten or so statements that might predict success in that particular area. If the concern is leadership, you might say, “My employees are satisfied with my leadership,” or “I know what truly motivates my team.” You may even ask those impacted by your area of concern what types of statements could be good indicators of success. Now, rate your ability to do the statements you came up with. Finally, have others provide candid answers to the same statements…about YOU! Compare the scores you gave yourself to the scores you received by others. There will be gaps. Use discovered gaps as the foundation for future development.

Take a moment to rate yourself on a scale of 1-6 on your ability to ‘Know You & Be YOU.” 1 = Not so good, 6 = Awesome.

Pillar #2: Stay Grounded!

Staying grounded takes work! As you progress up the tree of success, an amazing thing begins to happen. People start laughing more, harder and longer at your jokes—even when they’re not funny! You are always one of the most interesting people in the room. People begin to go out of their way to get your precious attention. You begin to believe and even insist that your attention is precious. Soon you may begin to slowly forget what it felt like to be the “little person.”

A great way to remain grounded is to laugh at yourself. Do not breeze over or blame others for your mistakes or shortcomings—admit and appreciate them. Be honest with yourself about what happened, or did not happen, and how you might respond differently next time—because there will be a next time!

Pop Quiz – when was the last time you sincerely apologized to someone at work?

Take a minute to rate yourself (again, 1-6) on your ability to stay grounded.

Pillar #3: Check Your Network!

Write down the names of the five people you are most likely to talk with at work. Let’s call this group your primary work network. These are the five people you most willingly spend your time around. Next, on our scale of 1-6, rate each of their work ethics.

Any surprises?

Is your network helping you move up – or out? Do they offer the kind of candid constructive feedback that will help you bring more wisdom to your next move? Or do they live on 411 Grapevine Boulevard, Anytown, USA? Does your network prefer to resist change and highlight what is NOT currently working?

This pillar suggests checking the current health of your network. If they are not resilient and helping you move in the right direction for you…find a better network or request they help you in a different way!

Rate your overall primary network on a scale of 1-6.

Pillar #4: Check Your Attitude!

Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you’re right!
—Henry T. Ford

There are always at least two worlds you can choose to live in. Here is a personal example: