Free Coaching Lesson

If you’ve had an unpleasant experience in your life, you may feel fear when similar circumstances come up. We’ve all experienced rejection. We’ve all felt embarrassed. These emotions are unpleasant. Fear of such feelings can lead us to avoid situations that might provoke them. For example, picture someone that is about to give a speech. If that person falls on the way up to the podium, she is likely to feel embarrassed. In the future, her fear of similarly embarrassing mishaps might stop her from accepting speaking engagements.

Sometimes we create fear by imagining worst-case scenarios. Let’s say you accept a project that you are confident you can successfully complete, even though you have little experience in relevant areas. Later, you begin to feel anxious when you start imagining negative outcomes.

Think about the vision you have for your life. What is your ultimate vision of success? What is holding you back from living that vision? Do you think fear is keeping you from achieving it?

Three Strategies:

1. Imagine yourself about to take a big step toward your ultimate goal of success. What feelings come up for you? Resistance? Hesitation? Do you automatically start thinking of excuses as to why you can’t move forward?

2. Jot down all the feelings that come up for you as you imagine yourself taking this step. Don’t push the feelings down – allow them space and identify exactly where they are coming from. Did a past experience contribute to this fear? Did you watch someone else go through something similar? Are you picturing worst-case scenarios?

3. Make a list of the pros and cons of taking the action vs. not taking the action.

Write down your emotions so that you can see everything on paper. Writing gives your ideas a kind of reality, and you can look at whether your fear is rational or irrational. Writing also provides a vehicle through which to experience your emotions, and to make a plan for breaking through the fear and moving toward your goal.

BREAKING OUT OF PROCRASTINATION

A common behavior that can keep us from moving forward is procrastination. Procrastination has many causes. Many times it is rooted in fear. Other times we procrastinate because we have too much going on and can’t bear the thought of one more thing to do. Or, we may procrastinate because we don’t have the necessary information or tools to complete the task, or because we simply have no interest in the task.

Three strategies:

1. When you realize that you are procrastinating, take some time to discover the reasons you are avoiding or delaying. Recognize that procrastination is going to keep you from achieving your goals. The longer you procrastinate, the more stressful the task becomes.

2. Map out a plan for your project. Write down all of the steps necessary to complete the project and describe how you will complete them. Creating and referring to an overview of the project may be enough to start you on your way.

3. Once you’ve mapped out a plan, if you are still immobile, take just one small step toward the plan’s completion. Chances are that will inspire you to work a bit more. Another thing to try is setting a timer. Tell yourself that you will work on the project for just 15 minutes. Then you will move on to something else. Set the timer and get to work. You may be inspired to keep working.

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

What if you believe that you can’t achieve what you have set out to do? Sometimes we look at the achievements of others and think that we can never be similarly successful. We are intimidated by individuals who appear to be overnight sensations, or have more resources than we do.

Believing that you can’t achieve something may be enough to hold you back from even attempting it. The really bad thing is that, if you believe you can’t, you won’t. Don’t get caught up in believing that you can’t be successful, or that you can’t do what others have done.

Five Strategies:

1. Realize that we are all “normal” people. We all have families, budgets and time constraints. Nothing happens without work, and nothing is simply handed to anyone, unless of course you’re Paris Hilton – but even that empire comes with a price.

2. Know that whatever you can think of is in your power to achieve. It will take a plan, and action, but you can do it.

3. Take a look at where you are now and how you got there. You took the necessary steps, right? So, you can start making new plans and taking steps to get somewhere else.

4. Map out some goals for yourself for the next year. Where do you want to be in a year? If you were successful, what would your life look like?

5. Take that vision and create action steps. What will it take to get you where you want to go? Be realistic, set attainable goals and go for it!

If you have a vision for your life and can’t seem to get there, or feel as though success is unattainable, you are probably experiencing one of the blocks outlined above. Always remember that you create your life. Ask yourself, is it better to stay stuck in a situation that doesn’t serve your goals, or to move forward and experience fulfillment and joy? More than likely, you’ll choose fulfillment and joy. Start taking steps today to move toward that vision. Always be gentle with yourself. You are not the only one who struggles with these types of blocks.

The important thing is, don’t push your feelings down. Get them out on paper, give them space to breathe. Look at them objectively and then make your plan and move ahead!