How's Your Emotional Intelligence?

For generations, it's been called "women's intuition"—the ability to sense what's really going on in a situation, to assess people's thoughts and feelings accurately, to express empathy, to respond appropriately—often in the absence of hard data. Now, thanks to psychologist and best-selling author Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam Books, 1995), this talent (never exclusively female) has a new name—emotional intelligence—and a scientific explanation.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the silent partner of rational intelligence—equal in importance, yet frequently overlooked and rarely schooled or tested.

The Sentry and the Strategist
A small structure in the limbic region of the brain, the amygdala, is the center of your emotional mind. All incoming sensory data—sights, sounds, smells, sensations—pass through the amygdala where they are instantly analyzed for their emotional value before going to the cerebral cortex for processing. Every piece of data is infused by the amygdala with an emotional charge. If powerful enough, that charge can override reasoned thinking and logic.

How can you be so certain? I just FEEL it!

The amygdala is the specialist in emotional matters, the vault of emotional memories, the seat of passion. It's the amygdala that causes you to recognize the personal significance of an event, responding with pleasure, compassion, excitement, anger. The amygdala plays the role of sentry, scanning every incident for signs of trouble. Far quicker than the rational mind, it charges into action without regard for the consequences.

In an emotional emergency, the amygdala proclaims a crisis, recruiting the rest of the brain to its urgent agenda. Goleman calls this an emotional hijacking, because it occurs so fast that the thinking brain has no opportunity to grasp what is occurring and decide on the best coarse of action. Emotional hijackings produce astonishing feats of bravery, hideous acts of violence, and everything in between. Meanwhile the neocortex—in the prefrontal lobes just behind the forehead—is working to control feelings in order to reappraise situations and deal with them more effectively. It functions like a master strategist, planning and organizing actions toward a goal. When an emotion triggers, within moments the prefrontal lobes analyze possible actions and choose the best alternative.

When you hear a loud crash in the next room, it's the amygdala that sends a paralyzing jolt of fear through your body. A moment later, the neocortex starts ticking off the possibilities—cat, window, intruder—and what to do about hem. The neocortex is capable of muffling emergency signals, but it is slower, involving more circuitry.

Internal Battle
The amygdala and neocortex may sound like perfect partners, the alert sentry signaling danger and the cool strategist selecting prudent courses of action, but the sentry can easily overreact and powerful emotions can disrupt your ability to think and reason. Fear can render you mute; anger can make you lash out violently. In such moments, the circuits from the amygdala to the prefrontal lobes are creating neural static, sabotaging the ability of the prefrontal lobe to maintain working memory. That's why you complain that you "can't think straight" when you're upset.

These emotional circuits, and the automatic reactions they convey, are sculpted by experience throughout childhood. Emotionally-driven automatic responses are usually learned very early—as early as four years of age. All it takes is for some feature of the present situation to resemble a situation from the past. The instant that feature is recognized by the emotional mind, the feelings that went with the past event are triggered. The emotional mind reacts to the present as if it were the past. The reaction is fast and automatic, but not necessarily accurate or appropriate to the situation at hand.

Raising Your EQ
So while emotional intelligence relies on the warp-speed reactions of the amygdala, it relies even more on the management skills of the neocortex. Having high emotional intelligence doesn't mean that you never panic or lose your temper. It does mean that you bring your feelings under control and channel them into productive behaviors.

The ability to bring out-of-control emotions back into line results in what earlier generations called emotional maturity. The ability to stay precisely tuned to the full range of emotional readings coming from the amygdala is what has given some of us our reputation for having women's intuition.

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, concentrate on building skills in these five areas, identified by Yale psychologist, Peter Salovey:

1. Know your emotions. Work on increasing your self-awareness, the ability to recognize a feeling as it happens. Develop the habit of monitoring your feelings from moment to moment.

2. Regulate your emotions. Improve your ability to handle feelings and to recover quickly from upsets and distress.

3. Motivate yourself. Learn to marshal your emotions in order to reach goals. Apply self-control and self-discipline. Practice delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness.

4. Cultivate empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Try torecognize, identify, and feel what others are feeling.

5. Manage relationships. Respond appropriately and in helpful ways to the feelings of others. Strive for social competence. Hone your leadership skills.

See related article Concentration: Getting into Flow

Dianne Schilling is a San Diego-based writer, editor and instructional designer who specializes in the development of educational publications and customized training programs for business and industry. She is a founding partner in womensmedia.com. Send e-mail to dianneschilling@mac.com.