What
would you like to change about your
life? Would you like a different job, a better-performing
staff, a higher income, to be a better leader, inner-peace,
a happier relationship, a healthier body, less stress?
What are your hopes for your life? Do you let yourself
think about the possibilities?
Sometimes,
it is too difficult to think about what we want. We
may believe we can’t have it, it’s not “realistic,”
or it is a waste of time. So, we don’t even bother
dreaming up possibilities for our life—unless, perhaps,
we have recently purchased a lottery ticket!
Desired
change is
possible, and it can even happen quickly.
So,
how can you change? How can you start to create your
life as you would like it to be? As a professional
coach, I help people change their lives—inside and
outside of businesses. One powerful tool I use is
to help my clients shift their perspectives.
What’s
your perspective?
Your perspective is how you view or see something,
such as a situation you are in. It is how you choose
(consciously or not) to interpret your place in the
situation. This includes how you fit into the situation,
and from this place, what you believe your options
are.
With
any situation, there are an infinite number of ways
to interpret what is happening and what your response
might be. In other words, there are an infinite number
of perspectives you can choose (yes, choose)
in a situation. You are responsible
for choosing the perspective from which you view each
and any experience in your life.
But
we usually don’t see ourselves as having a choice!
So, we don’t make a choice. We are more likely to
think things are being done “to us” and that we have
no control over them. We say to ourselves,
“This is how the world (or my boss, or my boyfriend,
mother, son, etc) is.” “I can’t change it!” “This
is what I am stuck with.”
Guess
what? This isn’t the truth!
We
actually have more power and control over how we show
up to events in our lives than we think we do. We
can learn to move from automatically reacting—to a
place where we get to choose our reaction. We are
free to become conscious and to choose.
As
you start to choose, you are impacting what shows
up in your life. The perspective you decide to be
“in” affects your actions, your feelings, and your
experience.
Take,
for example, how you might respond if a friend canceled
a lunch date with you at the last minute. You might:
-
Decide
your friend doesn’t like you anymore.
-
Determine
your friend is self-centered or rude.
-
Be
happy for the free lunch hour you now have.
-
Wonder
why he or she is canceling and maybe even wonder
if they are okay.
-
Reschedule
the lunch without giving it much thought.
You
get the point. With the same situation, there are
numerous, very different ways to view it.
Look
at the first perspective listed above. How would you
feel if you chose this one? What about if you chose number five?
How would your feelings be different? You’d likely
feel more peaceful and joyful if you chose number
five. And as a result, you would likely have a better
afternoon because of it.
Here
is a powerful truth; when you choose
to see
differently,
you feel differently. When you feel differently, you
experience your life differently. Feeling differently
leads to acting differently and making different choices.
Bottom
line—you can
change your world in a
single moment by changing your perspective.
Creating
a new “automatic pilot”
Changing your perspective takes practice! Let’s face
it, you have years of practice operating on “automatic
pilot” where you don’t choose—you just let your reactions
choose for you. If you want to feel better, then you
get to start choosing. Over and over you will want
to remind yourself to choose the perspective you want
to be in.
The
beauty of putting in this effort is how much better
you will feel. As you
“try on” each perspective, you become aware
of how differently each feels. I invite you to try
many perspectives, play with them, and then exercise
your power to choose.
Lori
provides a good example of the impact of changing
one’s perspective. She was looking for a new job and
was not only unsuccessful, she was feeling pretty
unhappy. Lori was continually bitter that individuals
in the companies she applied to were not getting back
to her. She focused on how they
were not respecting her. She got more and
more angry and frustrated with her job hunting process.
As a result, she felt powerless and unhappy—believing
she was being mistreated and the world was “unfair.”
When
Lori realized she was choosing this “victim-like”
perspective, she was able to switch her focus to taking
care of herself and her needs. She chose to place
her attention on what she wanted and how she could
get it—rather than waiting for others to do it for
her. She kept
working at changing her focus. As a result,
Lori was able to apply for more jobs and keep looking
forward to where she wanted to be.
With
her new perspective, her attitude changed. And, as
you can imagine, her new more responsible and positive
attitude changed her experience of her situation,
much for the better.
She
felt powerful, in control, and like a new job was
possible. Not only did Lori spend her time and energy
more effectively, her new outlook changed her desirability
to others. She came across as a pleasant person that
people would want to be around. And, she landed a
job that was what she had hoped for!
Choosing
a different perspective can have a domino effect on
your impact on, and your experience in, your workplace,
your home, your community, and the world.
Choosing
your perspective
Choosing a new perspective is a powerful tool available
to everyone of us when we are ready to use it. Use
these easy steps and practice!
Step
1—Decide to change
Sometimes, we don’t want to change. Conditioning has
taught us to stay in an old pattern and not make a
choice. The old way is familiar. It is comfortable
and takes less effort. There might even be payoff
for feeling bad, not getting what you want, or being
stuck! So, decide you want to change. The benefits
can be great.
Step
2—Get clear on your perspective in a situation
Take
a look at the area in your life that is not satisfying
or is frustrating. Ask yourself, “What is my perspective
here?” Really take some time to get clear on your
perspective. We tend to operate with our perspectives
on automatic pilot. Often, we don’t even know we have
“a perspective!” Here’s the tricky part—if you aren’t
aware of your perspective, and are not consciously
choosing one that feels good—the one you are choosing
by “default” is still affecting you.
(If
you want to play with perspective examples in your
life, some areas to look at might be: career; employees;
finances; family and friends; significant other; hobbies
and recreation; living and working environment; personal
growth; and spirituality/religion. What are your perspectives
on these areas of your life? The possibilities, limitations,
desires, etc.)
Step
3—Create new perspectives
When you are clear on your perspective, come up with
several alternate ones. Stretch your mind! Ask a friend
or co-worker for help if you want. For example, if
you dislike your job and you determine your current
perspective to be, “It’s useless, I will never be
able to do what I want,” perhaps a new perspective
might be: “I am ready to find a career I am passionate
about,” or, “There is a perfect job out there and
it is time for me to find it.” These really are new
ways of approaching a situation in your life.
Step
4—Choose one
Now, look at the choices you’ve listed. Choose one
that feels best, most powerful, most peaceful, or
most appropriate for you. This will be the perspective
you want to “be in” for now.
Step
5—Live here!
The next step is the big one. Live
in the new perspective for a while. It’s simple. Place
your focus there. Every time you realize you are back
in the old perspective, choose again! You will know
when you have slipped back into the old because it
won’t feel good. Have fun and keep practicing this until it
becomes more natural. Enjoy the increased satisfaction
in your life!
Andrea
Wylan, Principal Coach of Innerworks Coaching,
is an Executive and Personal Success Coach. Her company
works with individuals and businesses to help support
change. Andrea can be reached at awylan@san.rr.com,
or www.innerworks.ws