Not getting the promotions you expect and deserve?
Missing out on plum assignments? Wondering why you
were out of the loop on a crucial bit of news? Although
women have made great strides in the workplace, too
many women are feeling stuck or passed over. There
are solutions.
One is to think of business as a game. Men do. Men
approach their work with the same mindset they use
in competitive sports. Competitive sports, war and
the workplace are governed by a set of unwritten rules
familiar to most men but unknown to most women. Unfamiliarity
with these rules is the most significant and elusive
factor trapping women below the glass ceiling.
If you want to win at the game of "WORK," you have
to know the rules of the game.
There are two sets of rules in the game of business.
You are probably very familiar with the set governing
skills of the trade. But there is an unwritten set
of rules at play that everyone is also expected to
honor. Unfortunately, most women are unaware of these
rules.
Men have been practicing these unwritten rules of
the game all their lives. Nobody directly teaches
these rules. Boys absorb them by example while playing
sports and then comfortably transfer these rules from
their games to their work. The rules feel so natural
that it would never occur to a man to explain them
to you; he assumes you already know them.
Men and women approach work differently because they
grow up differently. Children learn to interact with
the world through the games they play. Boys' and girls'
childhood games teach very different skills, values
and ways of relating with others. Boys' games stress
conflict and competition while girls' games stress
cooperation and development of noncompetitive skills.
Boys learn leadership, conflict resolution and organizational
skills because their games are played in large groups
or teams requiring the coordination of many players.
Girls aren't forced to learn conflict resolution or
organizational skills because most of their play is
in small cooperative groups. As girls, most of us
did not have a reason to learn the complicated, rigid
rules of male games.
While the games of boys and girls both teach essential
life skills, like it or not, the culture of the workplace
is male. As adults, men carry their reliance on, and
respect for, the formal rules of these games to the
workplace.
My purpose in writing these rules is not to encourage
you to act like men. That would be disastrous. It
is to help women understand men and the rules they
work by. When you know the rules, you can anticipate
men's behavior, and gain an edge in negotiations and
competition. The business world makes more sense to
you. You feel a reduction in your level of stress.
You avoid hostility created by inadvertently breaking
rules you never knew existed. You instantly get along
better with your male co-workers. Understanding the
rules gives you the opportunity to evaluate male and
female ways of viewing the world and to pick the best
of each.
The rules:
- Rule
1: Act Competent. The operative word in this
rule is "act." Being perceived as competent is every
bit as important as being competent.
- Rule
2: Act Strong. Not all men are strong, and even
strong men don’t always feel strong. But men learn
how to look and act strong. Often, the strongest
person in any game is the person in control. Always
try to take control and be in control.
- Rule
3: Keep Playing to Win Even When the Game is No
Longer Fun. There are parts of every competitive
sport that aren’t fun. Champions know that if they
want the pleasure of winning, they must endure periods
of tedium and pain. Business is no different. It
is an unpleasant reality that in business there
are times you have to do things, like working long
hours or generating clients,
- Rule
4: Don't Get Emotionally Involved While Playing
the Game. Traits such as sensitivity, empathy
and responsivity to others’ emotions are assets.
However, these same traits can become liabilities
if not monitored carefully. Emotional responses
can cloud good business sense.
- Rule
5: Being Aggressive Is Part of the Game. In
business, plum assignments and recognition go to
the most aggressive. It’s essential to press for
the jobs and assignments you want, make yourself
visible and take risks.
- Rule
6: Fighting is Part of the Game. "Fair fighting"
has a long, honored tradition in our culture. Fair
fighting means trying to win by inflicting the least
amount of damage possible to your opponent, letting
your opponent save face and looking like a gracious
winner and a good loser.
-
Rule 7: You Are Part of a Team. Team playing
is more than just cooperating. It is a formal way
of relating that men take very seriously. The most
important tenants of team playing are to be loyal
to the team, put the good of the team before personal
interest and give 100 percent all the time.
Right now,
these male rules still govern the game of business.
In the future, men and women must evaluate these rules
and decide if they are really the best way to do business.
Working together, we can develop a culture that values
people, appreciates diversity, cares about the quality
of life, is responsive to family needs and - is more
efficient and effective than ever before.
©
2003 Adrienne Mendell. All rights reserved. 
Adrienne Mendell is a licensed psychologist,
consultant, keynote speaker and Principal of Gender
Matters, a consulting company specializing in finding
practical solutions to the problems men, women and
organizations face as the genders struggle to work
together. She has been a psychotherapist and consultant
for 28 years helping individuals and businesses to
thrive in a changing workplace and a changing world.
For 15 years, Adrienne was skipper of "Wildcat," a
racing sailboat. The combination of her experience
in the very male world of Yacht Racing and her expertise
as a psychotherapist and executive coach has given
her a unique insight into the minds of men.
Adrienne’s popular book, How Men Think: The Seven
Essentials Rules for Making It in a Man's World,
published by Ballantine Books, has been translated
into ten languages. She has appeared throughout the
USA and Canada as a guest expert on radio and television
shows and has been quoted in newspapers and magazines
worldwide.
The
Rules of the Game of Business 