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Negotiation
is the way that business gets done today. And women—the
newest entrants to the business world—have powerful
insights into the negotiation processes needed in today’s
fast-paced environment.
For
over a decade we have been talking to women about the
ways in which they experience negotiation. They have discussed
business situations that began with a capital "N"—those
formal bargaining sessions where everyone comes to the
table knowing that they are there to negotiate. But they
have devoted equal time to the little "n" negotiations—those
everyday encounters where issues get resolved and problems
get worked out. To both capital "N" and little "n" negotiations
the women brought illuminating perspectives to the process.
What
do we discover when we listen to women on negotiation?
Most
advice on negotiation concentrates on the issues at stake-how
to frame them and set in motion the tradeoffs that allow
the bargainer to get most, if not all, of what she wants.
By contrast, the women we interviewed contended that who
is at the table can be just as important to the eventual
outcome as what is on the table.
Their
collective view revealed a dynamic we call the "shadow
negotiation." Yes, people negotiate over issues. But
they also negotiate how they are going to negotiate. All
the time they are bargaining over issues, they are conducting
a parallel negotiation in which they work out the terms
of their relationship and their demands.
This
parallel conversation takes place below the surface of
any debate over problems. As bargainers try to turn the
discussion of the problem to their advantage or persuade
the other party to cooperate in resolving it, they make
assumptions about each other, what the other person wants,
his or her weaknesses, how he or she is likely to behave.
They size each other up, poking here and there to find
out where the give is. In effect, the shadow negotiation
is where bargainers decide just how cooperative they are
going to be in reaching a mutual solution.
Most
of our respondents are quite adept at working the problem
and proposing creative solutions. It is in the shadow
negotiation that they confront the hidden barriers
to effective negotiation. But it is also there that they
encounter its hidden ppportunities. Hidden Barriers
Everyone
brings personal baggage to the negotiation process that
can interfere with effectiveness. But that baggage is
particularly heavy for women. The costs can be high for
their organizations, too, since women fill almost half
of all professional and managerial jobs.
The
roles women now play within organizations may give them
the authority to negotiate, but they are often unsure
of how to bargain confidently- and for good reasons. Because
most role models of effective negotiators continue to
be male, women can find it difficult to develop a comfortable
and effective negotiating style.
Women
have traditionally paid attention to relationships and
that attention can be used against them, making it difficult
for them to get others to the table and to resist making
concessions once they are there.
Expectations
about appropriate behavior can also trap women in a Catch-22.
The forceful tactics needed to advocate effectively can
provoke retaliation, while collaborative overtures can
be read as an invitation to press for concessions. Reactions
vary from lowered aspirations to overcompensation-both
hamper effectiveness. When women get in their own way
as negotiators, these often unrecognized habits produce
effects that ripple through the organization. The cumulative
impact on a company’s culture and bottom line can be pronounced.
Opportunities go unexplored and productivity suffers.
Our
interviews with professional women provide proof positive
that managing the shadow negotiation does not require
being brash or aggressive. It does involve mounting an
effective advocacy. A bargainer’s advocacy essentially
defines her claim to a place at the table. It tells the
other side not only that she is going to be an active
player, but that she will not and does not need to settle
for less than she deserves. The professional women we
interviewed had a few pointed tips on building an effective
advocacy.
Steps
to An Effective Advocacy
- Take
stock of your value.
People negotiate because they need something from you.
Being clear about the value you bring empowers you
in a negotiation.
- Make
your value visible.
When value disappears, so do influence and bargaining
power. The other person must be clear about the benefits
to them from negotiating and the consequences of failing
to do so.
- Anticipate
challenges.
An effective advocate must be ready to move in the shadow
negotiation not simply to promote her interests, but
also to block any attempt to undermine her credibility.
Once possible objections have been identified, they
can be countered.
Hidden
Opportunities
Any good solution requires compromise. In today’s leaner
and flatter organizations top-down decision-making often
doesn’t work. People simply aren’t inclined to take orders.
To find common ground-that place where the different interests
intersect-the parties must work together, not against each
other. That requires some effort.
It
takes work to draw out what other people have on their
minds in the shadow negotiation. Often these hidden agendas
are their real agendas. Unless bargainers are explicitly
encouraged to talk about them, they will hesitate, fearing
that any candor will be used against them. They don’t
want to tip their hands. Here our respondents’ attention
to relationship produced a helpful blueprint for encouraging
creative dialogue. Often these steps, by fostering greater
understanding and communication, coaxed the "real" problem
out into the open and set the stage for creative solutions.
Steps
to Connection
- Appreciate
the other's situation.
Consider five good reasons the other party might use
to justify his or her stand and create opportunities
to talk about them.
- Make
it easy for the other person to say yes.
Listen carefully for his or her ideas. Connect those
ideas to yours and build on them to create agreements
that meet both your needs.
- Pay
attention to the other party’s face.
Image is a concern for everyone. How negotiators look
to themselves and to others who matter to them often
counts as much
as the particulars of an agreement.
Negotiating skills
are critical for everyone today. Although the shadow negotiation
first surfaced in stories from women, it is not sex specific.
The lessons gleaned from these women apply to everyone who
negotiates—which is all of us all the time. The more
skillful we become as advocates in a collaborative process,
the more we can expand our opportunities. When we use
advocacy purposefully not to overpower the opposition, but
to establish credibility, we lay the groundwork for building
mutual respect. Negotiators who trust each other can probe
deeper, more candidly, and the prospects for innovative
solutions increase geometrically.
©
Kolb and Williams
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