Three decades ago, author Jilly Cooper observed that

“Meetings are like cocktail parties.
You don’t want to go, but you’re cross not to be asked.” 

Today, at conference tables lined with laptops and glitzed with multimedia, those sentiments still prevail. The list of ills associated with meetings is long and legendary:

Deborah Tannen (Talking From 9 to 5) describes meetings as “a pressure-cooker microcosm of the workplace,” with participants voicing two main complaints: that meetings take up a lot of time without producing obvious results, and that participant contributions often go unacknowledged.

 

Two Sets of Competencies
Every meeting has two parts: preparation and participation. That’s true whether it’s your meeting or someone else’s. Preparation is everything you do before the meeting. If you are in charge, it means defining the purpose and objectives, drawing up a participant list, developing an agenda, sending out an announcement and making facility and equipment arrangements. If you are a participant, it means doing your homework.  

Participation is everything you do during the meeting — presiding, facilitating, recording, controlling, time-keeping and/or contributing.

 

Skillful Chair —Responsible Participant
A skillful meeting chair encourages people to contribute and recognizes them when they do, capturing useful ideas for immediate or future consideration. At the same time, she keeps a watchful eye on the clock and the agenda, always ready to tighten the reigns and move the discussion forward. It’s a continuous balancing act — facilitating and controlling, opening up and tightening down, with a series of decision points along the way. 

 

A responsible participant appreciates that the chair invited her to the meeting for a reason — she is expected to contribute. CNN executive Gail Evans (Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman) established a ground rule to motivate reticent women at informal lunch meetings with celebrity guests: If a woman didn’t ask a question she didn’t get invited to the next meeting! 

 

The secret of asking questions and making useful contributions is doing your homework. That’s why an able meeting chair sends out agendas in advance. To give you a chance to bone up on agenda items — background, related issues, stake-holder interests, your own observations and opinions.

  

Advice for Women from Women
Here are some insights you probably won’t get in “Meetings 101.” Each of these experts has a special interest in helping other women get ahead in the workplace.

 

From linguistics professor and author Deborah Tannen:

• Avoid prefacing your comments with disclaimers like, “I don’t know if this will work, but…” and “This may be a silly question, but…” Just jump in and state an idea without worrying about how important it is or whether anyone else has thought of it before.

• Women tend to speak at a lower volume than men, and they try not to take up too much time. Men talk louder and longer. In addition, the comments of women are often less forceful and assertive. Practice speaking louder and at greater length, resisting the impulse to let your intonation rise at the end. (That half-note jump can sap a statement of conviction or make it sound like a question.)

• Research shows that women speak less in unstructured meetings, so one way to encourage female participation (including your own) is to construct a solid framework for the meeting.

 

From D. A. Benton (Secrets of a CEO Coach):

From CNN executive and author Gail Evans:

• Speaking forcefully isn’t really about speaking loudly or softly. It’s about learning how to use your voice effectively. Even if you have a small voice you can sound powerful — as long as you believe you have a right to speak.

• Oversized office chairs are built for a man’s body. It’s hard to be fully present at a meeting if the chair is too low, the table too high, and your feet barely touch the floor. Don’t shift and fidget trying to get comfortable. Lean forward, sit the edge of your chair if necessary, find a place of comfort and stay there.

 

From international protocol expert Susan Witt:

• The savvy meeting chair always conducts and controls the meeting, regardless of the level of seniority of the participants, she manages the meeting with tact, diplomacy, and strength.

• If you are from outside of the company. wait until someone tells you to “sit anywhere” or to “sit next to Jane Doe.”  The customary hierarchy of seating goes from the left of the Chair to the right, so you can avoid embarrassment by making sure that you sit in an appropriate location. 

• Send a note of thanks to the person who invited you to the meeting, to the chair, and to any persons with whom you hope to work in the future.  

 

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Dianne Schilling is a San Diego-based writer, editor and instructional designer who specializes in the development of educational publications and customized training programs for business and industry. She is a founding partner in womensmedia.com. Send e-mail to dianneschilling@mac.com.