Executive Coaching for Women

Meet Sharon……
A few weeks ago, Sharon experienced something that she’d noticed several times before. As a marketing manager for a mid-sized health care company, Sharon was known for her ability to focus her team and to get things done. She had good relationships at work, but sometimes felt as though an undercurrent existed that she didn’t understand. She had a sense that morale might be dropping.

A few weeks ago, she stopped in the hallway to talk with Tom, one of her direct reports. Tom was a top performer, and his contribution to the team was greatly appreciated. As Sharon was speaking with Tom, she noticed that he backed away and withdrew from the conversation, politely stating that he needed to get to a meeting. Surprised, Sharon didn’t know what to make of Tom’s distant behavior.

Fortunately, Sharon had been working by telephone with a business coach for several months prior to this incident, so she knew that discussing it with her coach would give her a fresh perspective and a new way to approach the situation.

That’s what coaching is all about—looking at situations and challenges to determine intentional and effective actions. Coaching is all about action! Coaching focuses on where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there.

Trying to sort through difficult situations can be like driving in heavy fog. It’s hard to know what to do when you can’t see the road ahead of you. Working with a coach allows you to clarify the issues… the fog lifts and the path becomes clear! Women in business can benefit tremendously from an outside perspective and the objective feedback that coaching offers. The “path becomes clear” when you can see a situation from a different angle, strategize and determine effective actions.

In this article we will address three specific areas where coaching can impact women:

Intent vs. Impact
In the scenario above, Sharon’s intent in talking with Tom was to gather information about a project that was approaching a deadline. She had been waiting expectantly for a report and decided it was time to ask about it.

Sharon’s behavior had an impact on Tom that was very different than she realized. Tom experienced Sharon as abrasive, directive and intimidating. Sharon’s intention was simply to gather information.

As Sharon and her coach discussed the situation on the telephone, Sharon realized that her tone of voice might have conveyed more accusation than she intended. Sharon’s coach asked if she had checked in with Tom to see if it was a good time to discuss the project. She hadn’t. Sharon also recognized that she had stepped toward Tom a number of times, which may have been perceived as confrontational.

Sharon, with her coach’s help, began to wonder if her impact might be affecting the rest of the team’s morale in ways she didn’t realize. Together, they began to strategize.

What can you do if you realize that there’s a mismatch between your intent and your impact on a colleague?

3. Take action to clean up mismatches of intent and impact as quickly as you can:

Sharon approached Tom immediately after speaking with her coach. She told him that she noticed that her request for information created a response that she didn’t understand. She asked if she had come across more strongly than she had intended. As the conversation continued, Sharon noticed that Tom began to relax.

The next day, Sharon received a call from Tom with information about the project.

Knowledge and Use of Self
Janet started working in the utility company right after college, and she quickly moved up through the ranks to a mid-level manager. As a very bright and talented woman in a man’s world, Janet wondered if she could continue climbing the corporate ladder. She had applied for several other positions, but the jobs went to others.

On the verge of giving up, she was introduced to coaching, which had recently become available at her company. At her first coaching call, Janet stated that she had reached the highest level possible for a woman. However, she was ready to break through the glass ceiling.

Among other things, Janet and her coach began to look at Janet’s “presence” in the organization. Her coach pointed out that Janet was blaming the company for limiting her, and she was whining and complaining most of the time, at least during the coaching calls. When asked if others might perceive her as a complainer, Janet stopped short. She realized that she was presenting herself as a victim of her circumstances, rather than as a woman on a mission, becoming the well-respected contributor she wanted to be.

As Janet increased in her personal knowledge of herself and her impact, she began to make some changes.

What initial questions are important to develop a deep and meaningful knowledge of self?

1. What would it look like to take full responsibility for your current situation?

2. If you were to BE the person you want to be, what would you have to change? What might get in your way? Who can help you?

As Janet began answering some difficult questions, she gradually assumed more responsibility for her situation. She began looking for female mentors, and found several at higher levels in the company. Her sense of hope increased.

Janet also realized that she needed to look seriously at how she was presenting herself within the company. With the aid of her coach, she realized that her education was incomplete, and that moving ahead in that area would give her the knowledge needed at a higher level. Within 4 months, she had enrolled in evening courses to begin her studies.

Clear Agreements
Have you ever walked out of a meeting thinking that you knew exactly what you were to do and what others would be doing, only to find out later that things didn’t go as well as planned? Clear agreements are critical to good relationships and progress in the workplace. Unclear agreements are at the root of most poor working relationships.

When Lisa completed her MBA program, she was all set to head into an executive office. Her intelligence, her presence, her business savvy were all assets, not to mention the VP of Finance position she landed in a high tech company. She knew her stuff and she was ready to hit the road running!

Unfortunately, her CEO was not quite ready for Lisa! He was laid back, easy going, willing to delay decisions until the last minute, and he basically drove Lisa nuts!

Lisa managed to limp along for several months, interacting as needed with the CEO, but her attitude was rapidly taking a downward turn. Meetings were a bore to Lisa because she knew that decisions would not be made. One day, Lisa was talking to a friend in another company who mentioned coaching. Something clicked, and Lisa called her friend’s coach immediately.

Within the first few minutes, Lisa’s coach identified that there were no clear agreements for operating within the leadership team. Not for meeting management, not for key responsibility areas, not for shared resources, not for much of anything.

Below are some questions to consider when you become aware that clear agreements are needed:

1. What might you do if you realize a conversation is ending without a clear agreement?

2. If you operated with clear agreements consistently, what specifically would you gain?

4. What, specifically, can you ask or say to gain clarity when talking with others?

Lisa and her coach decided to tackle conversations with her CEO as a place to start. With her coach, Lisa focused on determining several actions that could be immediately implemented. Lisa was ready to try out her new behaviors. At the end of her next conversation with her CEO, she recapped what had been discussed and identified her next steps. This was something she hadn’t done before, and while it seemed unnatural, she sensed that it was a good step in the right direction.

As Lisa continued working on clear agreements, she noticed three changes. First, she began to get excited again about her work. Second, she noticed that there were fewer mix-ups and missed deadlines. Third, others started asking questions in meetings to get to clear agreements. The first time this occurred, Lisa realized that the changes she was making could really make a difference for others, too.

Wrapping it up……
Women in business rarely receive the objective feedback that it takes to achieve new perspectives and behaviors, yet feedback is critical for success. Knowing if your intent and your impact are the same or different allows you to adjust your responses and clean up discrepancies. Realizing how you might be holding yourself back allows you to take responsibility and determine new and effective actions. Your commitment to reaching clear agreements ensures that relationships remain strong and work gets done more efficiently.

These are just three of many areas that affect women in business. If you’ve seen yourself in any of the above examples, we encourage you to consider the resources that are available to you to deepen your learning. You also might want to consider finding a coach. Both are intentional actions that will bring benefit to you and to your workplace.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Linda Miller
As a trainer and coach, Linda Miller believes that successful businesses are supported by strong internal dynamics. Since her introduction to coaching in 1995, Linda has focused on the launch and expansion of coaching within corporations and businesses. Currently, Linda serves as Vice President of Coaching Services with Coaching.com, an affiliate of The Ken Blanchard Companies.