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Do
you ever feel like a fraud in your professional realm?
Do you secretly suspect that you have fooled others into
thinking that you are more talented than you actually
are? In spite of your achievements and successes, do you
fear that one day you'll be found out, exposed as a sham,
and ridiculed for being someone who is less than capable?
Studies have estimated that up to 70% of us fear being
labeled as phonies. The woman who is laid off may believe
that she’s just been pulling the wool over a series
of bosses' eyes, and finally the gig is up. She’ll
never work again! I know one very accomplished professional
woman with almost 20 years of successful corporate experience
who is seriously making plans to become a bag lady.
Meet
"The Impostor Syndrome." The Impostor Syndrome
is a well- documented tendency among many highly successful
people to believe that their successes are largely accidental,
and that at any moment they may be exposed for the charlatans
that they really are. (Of course we impostors still tend
to take all of the credit for our failures!) In the book,
If I'm So Successful Why Do I Feel Like a Fake?,
Joan Harvey cites research showing that it is often the
most successful people who feel like impostors. And according
to the information I have read, this phenomenon is far
more prevalent among women than men.
The
stereotype goes something like this: When a can opener
doesn’t work, a typical woman assumes there is something
wrong with the way she is using it, while a typical man
assumes that it is broken. OK, who among us has ever met
a “typical” anyone? Averages do justice to
no one. One math professor of mine used to say, “My
head’s in the oven and me feet are in the freezer,
but on average I feel fine!” However, before you
discount this gender difference, try a little experiment:
The next time you turn the wrong knob on the stove to
light the left-front burner consider that MAYBE the person
who designed the stove could have arranged the controls
in a more intuitive way.
Sure,
sometimes we can truly be as dense as the components on
a surface-mount circuit board, however that’s no
reason to go through our lives denying our talents and
explaining away most of our accomplishments as some kind
of lucky break or odd fluke. And yet that is exactly what
many highly successful women do. The charlatan complex,
as this is also called, is quite common, and yet I find
that many people who experience this kind of self-doubt
have never heard of this phenomenon.
The
Impostor Syndrome web site (www.impostorsyndrome.com)
is a welcome source of information. It’s a great
relief to realize that we are not alone in this self-limiting
way of being. This site claims that people in the grip
of this phenomenon "seemed unable to internalize
their accomplishments. External proof of intelligence
and ability in the form of academic excellence, degrees,
recognition, promotions and the like was routinely dismissed.
Instead, success was attributed to contacts, luck, timing,
perseverance, personality or otherwise having 'fooled'
others into thinking they were smarter and more capable
than (they) 'knew' themselves to be." If you live
with the nagging worry that one day someone will discover
that you have achieved your successes by some sleight
of hand, rather than due to your own abilities . . . RELAX!
Most of us feel that way some of the time.
What
can you do about this irrational paranoia? Nothing more
than realizing that you are perfectly normal, and that
stretching outside of your natural comfort zone does feels
a little odd. Give yourself a break! Acting as if you
ARE the magnificent person you hope to be is a very effective
way to BECOME that person. There is no shame in a "fake
it 'til you make it" approach. In case you haven't
noticed, we're all making it up as we go most of the time.
Sometimes
I find that people are best able to perceive themselves
in the quiet stillness of another attentive being. A coaching
relationship can provide such an opportunity. I have personally
seen the power of coaching help people remove self-limiting
assumptions and beliefs and begin to perceive themselves
more accurately and favorably in as little as one session.
Effective coaching can give people permission to be as
magnificent as others perceive them to be.
Having
experienced the other extreme, the "often wrong,
but never in doubt" mindset, I prefer a healthy middle
ground with a touch of humility. We can acknowledge that
luck plays a role in each of our lives without continuously
undermining ourselves or our accomplishments. And as we
give ourselves permission to achieve our greatest potential,
we can make it safer for others to expand into their own
possibilities.
"No
one can give you what you deny yourself." –
unknown
Kimberly Wiefling, M.S.
Founder and Principal, Wiefling Consulting
Wiefling
is a business management consultant with over 15 years
of experience helping companies develop successful products
with greater predictability and fewer nasty surprises.
Contact Kimberly at Wiefling Consulting www.wiefling.com.
See her site for workshops related to this article.
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Unmasking
the Impostor Syndrome