|
Barbara’s
boss loved her work and didn’t want to lose her
but could no longer tolerate the “noise” surrounding
Barbara. People were complaining about her aloofness,
grandstanding, and not being a team player. He asked Barbara
if she would be willing to see an executive coach and
she agreed to do so, albeit with some reluctance. During
my first meeting as her coach, I asked the usual questions
about where she grew up, how many siblings she had, education,
etc. Barbara was candid in talking about being raised
the youngest of several children in a strict German family
from the mid-West. I asked what the “rules for membership”
were in her family, explaining that every family has implicit
or explicit rules for what’s expected of children,
and she rolled her eyes. Dad was a strict disciplinarian,
Mom instilled in them the fear of God, and everyone was
expected to work hard. There was little time for frivolity
in this Teutonic household.
At
that moment I knew exactly what was working against in
her in the office. As a pioneer in the field of executive
coaching I had come to realize that these rules for membership
contribute to the development of our greatest strengths,
but they also can hold us back if we don’t take
care to develop complementary strengths as well. In Barbara’s
case she was acting in ways that would make her parents
happy, but caused her to remain stuck in a childhood paradigm.
The “little girl” inside her was unconsciously
trying to please everyone through hard work, dedication,
and brilliant performance. What she didn’t understand
was that this paradigm worked inside her family, but it
wasn’t going to help her career in the long-term.
There
were four specific mistakes that Barbara needed to correct
if she was to be successful in this organization, or any
other:
Mistake
#1
Working Hard
It’s a myth that hard work alone will get you ahead.
Hard work is only the baseline for success. Everyone is
expected to work hard and do their job well. So, what
differentiates those who move up the ladder and those
who stagnate? Barbara provides us with the perfect case
in point. She felt the other people in her department
were slackers who wasted their time gossiping and taking
long lunches when there was important work to be done.
She couldn’t see they were actually building relationships
that would contribute to success down the road.
Mistake
#2
Doing the Work of Others
Precisely because she was willing to skip lunch,
work overtime and come in early, Barbara’s plate
was loaded with work that others could and should have
done. This only served to (a) compound that old, internalized
feeling of having to work harder than everyone else if
she was to get ahead and (b) give others the impression
that she was grandstanding. Being a “nice girl”
she certainly wasn’t going to complain about or
negotiate for a more reasonable workload. She simply shouldered
the tasks and completely abandoned any semblance of a
life outside of work.
Mistake
#3
Avoiding Office Politics
“Let she who is without sin cast the first stone,”
Barbara learned in girlhood. She equated office politics
with gossip and avoided it at all costs. Big mistake.
The business of politics is nothing more than the business
of relationships. It’s how you get things done in
the workplace. There’s an unspoken quid pro quo:
you do something for me and I do something for you.
Like many women, Barbara thought of politics as a dirty
word. Avoiding politics leaves you on the outside looking
in without information to share, favors to trade, or relationships
in place when you need them. And when you need
a relationship, it’s already too late to build it.
Mistake
#4
Waiting to Be Noticed
Although
it wasn’t something people complained about, it
was something that Barbara brought up during her coaching
program. She couldn’t figure out why, after all
her dedication and hard work, she wasn’t getting
the plum assignments and promotions that she saw going
to her colleagues. It was because once again, she was
acting like the little girl her parents taught her to
be. She assumed her performance would be noticed and rewarded.
Wrong again. It is often necessary to ask for
what you want and what you think you deserve. Guys do
it all the time. Women, on the other hand, hesitate for
fear of looking too pushy or aggressive.
Coaching
Tips for Barbara and Others Like Her
1.
Once or twice a day get up from your desk
and have a casual conversation with people on your floor.
Make it personal by asking about them and their lives
and sharing something about you and yours.
2.
Get a life. Work expands to fill the
time available. If you have no reason to leave the office
you won’t. Develop a routine that is consistent
with your company’s culture. If most people are
working 8:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m. then use this as a
guideline.
3.
Learn to negotiate. When you find you’re
being given significantly more work than your colleagues,
negotiate deadlines or ask for help with the projects.
4.
Talk about your career aspirations. Let
people know what positions or assignments would be of
interest to you and why you would be a good match for
them. Of course this means you must first identify them
in your own mind!
5.
Stay tuned to the grapevine. It’s
a valuable source of information.
Lois
P. Frankel, Ph.D. is an author and President
of Corporate
Coaching International, a Pasadena, California consulting
firm. The popularity of her latest book, Nice
Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101
Unconscious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Careers,
has lead to recent guest appearances on The Today Show,
CNBC, and CNN.
See
WomensMedia's
Latest Articles.
|
Nice
Girls Don't Get the Corner Office