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Remember
back in college when we sat around the dining hall
table and shared information, swapped stories, and
gained the infamous “Freshman 15.” Back
then we’d never heard of Atkins, the South Beach
Diet, or for the most part, even the term “networking.”
Yet, there we were, heaping delicious, full-fat cream
cheese on a bagel and building relationships, many
of which were to last through our first jobs, marriage,
promotions, children, divorce and on into retirement.
Sure, some slipped away over the years, but then there
were those who didn’t. These became the friends
who would take our phone calls at any hour in any
time zone, and it would feel like we never moved out
of the dorm. And, these friendships would go on to
typify the relationships that successful careers are
built on.
This
is the model that my co-author, Rachel Solar-Tuttle,
and I looked to when we wrote Table Talk: The Savvy
Girl’s Alternative to Networking. We saw that
there were plenty of books with useful tips on how
to “schmooze” and “work a room.”
But we wanted to provide a complement to those skills,
specifically for women who may have been intimidated,
yet had the potential to be great networkers. This
is why we came up with the term “Table Talk”
to describe how we like to network – sitting
around a table, looking each other in the eye and
sharing a cup of coffee, a cocktail, or even a light
Atkins-approved lunch, and making connections that
will be the building blocks for our success.
How
do you recreate that environment in today’s
busy world? It’s not easy, but in the long run,
you’ll be glad you made the effort. To help
you along, here are five tips to jumpstart your way
to table-talking success.
1.
Collaborate, don’t compete. Experts
in gender communication often note how men use language
to “one-up” each other, while women use
language to create a more even playing field and to
make everyone feel included. This is a natural skill
that leads to building collaborative relationships.
Inclusiveness, whether in language or by deed, is
a crucial way to let others know that you are open
to building meaningful networking relationships.
2.
Learn a little from the Old Boys. Old boys,
like old dogs, may be hard-pressed to learn new tricks,
but there’s still a lot we can learn from them.
For example, while they seem to not be able to multitask,
men are masters of seeing the big picture and where
they (and others) fit into it on a professional level.
How do they do this?
-
They
think long-term. It’s hard for many of us
to think past the end of the day, but if you want
to succeed, you need to start building the relationships
now that you will someday need in the future. This
is something the men do very well. Whether it’s
a simple action like picking up the check or sending
someone a little piece of business, men know that
the other party will eventually reciprocate. They
also value helping out young upstarts and hanging
out with their competition. They know that either
one could be a good source of information, a future
colleague, or even their boss, someday.
-
They
think mutually. If it’s good for their buddy,
then it’s likely going to be good for them.
Sure, their nose might temporarily be out of joint
if a colleague gets a promotion and they don’t.
But they also know the value of friends in high
places (isn’t that what the Old Boy’s
Club is, really?). They take the time to notice
what might help others in business because they
know that they will mutually benefit.
3.
Meet your Mentors. The idea of having a single
mentor throughout your career has gone the way of
pension plans and lifelong employment. This is why
you need to have several mentors throughout your career,
and often at the same time. Here are five categories
I always try to have on hand:
-
Role Model Mentor (or Mentor from Afar)
– You may never meet these mentors in person,
but there is a lot you can find out about them and
their careers online or through acquaintances.
-
Decision-Making
Mentor – These are the traditional
mentors who are in a position senior to us and have
some influence over our success at a company. It’s
best to find a senior person who is not your boss
to be this type of mentor, as sometimes you may
be at cross-purposes with him or her (or they may
actually be the whole reason you need a mentor!).
-
Peer
Mentor – Your peers have a lot of
different skills and often more knowledge than you
in different areas. While they may be at your same
career level, they might prove more insightful than
a senior person who is at a very different stage
of life.
-
Reverse
Mentor – Most people over the age
of 35 are digital immigrants when it comes to technology.
Younger colleagues are likely digital natives who
were born with a keyboard in their hands and can
help you master what has become a defining element
of the workplace - technology. Younger workers can
also provide good feedback for managers as to company
morale and reputation.
-
Male
Ally – Sometimes the men are just
speaking a completely different language and it
helps to have someone who can interpret, stick up
for you, or even invite you along to after-hours
events. If the Old Boy’s Club is off-putting,
look around for a male ally who himself may not
be part of the “club.”
4.
Get to the table and start talking. Whenever
I advise young professionals, I tell them that there
are two things that they should start as soon as they
leave the building – maxing out their 401K,
and table talking. The last thing anyone wants to
do is start building a network the day after they
get a pink slip. Building anything when you’re
down and out is not easy. You want to be in a position
where you have a network in place to help you survive
any professional pitfalls. And, yes, pitfalls and
pink slips still happen to very good people. But,
those people with support networks can bounce back
more quickly and even find new and better opportunities
after a career stumble.
5.
Shake it up, baby! We all get stuck in ruts.
Same routines, same people. Every once in while shake
up your world and make a small change in your lifestyle.
It could be going to the gym at a different time,
joining a new association or online network, or calling
some of those old college pals for a non-Atkins-compliant
food and gabfest. Just making a small change in your
routine can bring you into contact with new and different
people to invite to your table for a good old-fashioned
table talk.
Diane
K. Danielson is the CEO of DowntownWomensClub.com
a career website and social network for businesswomen
(www.downtownwomensclub.com).
In addition, Diane is the co-author of Table Talk:
The Savvy Girl’s Alternative to Networking (2003)
and Clicks & Mix: The Savvy Gal’s Guide
to Online Networking (Feb. 2007); a blogger for
the BostonWorks section of the Boston
Globe, and the Downtown
Women’s Club blog, (www.womensDISH.com);
the social networking guru for Lifetips.com;
and a contributing writer for PINK magazine.
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