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Women are the great communicators, right? We certainly
are more likely than our male counterparts to insist that
problems be talked through, that feelings be expressed,
that we be truly heard and understood. However, while
women may be skilled at communicating intimately with
those we love, some of our communication styles are not
conducive to achieving success in the business world.
In order to succeed in business or successfully climb
the corporate ladder, women need to use communication
tools that effectively express their confidence, intelligence,
strength, and ability – women must learn to communicate
fearlessly!
8
tips for fearless communication in the workplace:
1.
Don’t bury the punch line
Have you ever noticed that, when faced with something
difficult to express, whether it be admitting a mistake
to a client or reprimanding an employee for poor performance,
you talk about everything BUT the problem at hand? You
might eventually get around to describing the real issue,
but only after much discussion about other, less relevant,
topics. Women have a tendency to bury difficult “punch
lines” in an attempt to avoid an angry confrontation,
criticism, or hurting someone’s feelings. The reality
is that talking around the issue, or trying to hide or
soften it amidst other information, doesn’t help
you avoid the discomfort. Instead it prolongs the problem,
delays resolution, and leads to confusion.
2.
Avoid the “I want them to like me” trap
In general, women are far more concerned about how others
perceive them than are men. If you notice that a desire
for approval is motivating how and what you communicate
to others at work, it is time to remind yourself of the
goal of communication. The goal of communication is to
clearly and fearlessly express your thoughts, feelings,
and ideas – not to win others’ approval. Our
goal for clients – and for anyone reading this –
is to focus less on who does (or doesn’t) like you
and more on being and expressing your authentic self.
Ultimately, being true to yourself without being overly
concerned about who will (or will not) like you, will
earn you great respect and success in business.
3.
Watch your head
Women have a tendency to nod their head to indicate that
they hear and understand what is being said to them. However,
men typically interpret and use head-nodding to mean agreement
with what is being said. Therefore, you may be inadvertently
miscommunicating your position. Head-nodding can also
be perceived by men as a sign of weakness, or submissiveness,
which is the last message you want to send as a woman
in the business world.
4.
Make Eye Contact
Yes, we’ve all heard this one before. But it’s
easier said than done – especially during stressful
or uncomfortable confrontations. We challenge each and
every one of you to make eye contact when you most want
to avoid it. This means when you are saying something
difficult to say, or listening to something difficult
to hear. Making eye contact – no matter what the
circumstances – communicates that you are confident,
taking responsibility for what you are saying and hearing,
and that you are strong enough to confront the issue.
It is particularly important for women to be able to communicate
– verbally and nonverbally – their strength
and confidence in the business world.
5.
Don’t water down your message
Women have a tendency to use ‘weak’ language
that serves to water down their message. One example of
‘weak’ language is using ‘tag lines’
at the end of sentences. Examples of these are: “This
is a great angle, don’t you think?” and “Our
department is doing well, isn’t it?” A tag
line at the end of a sentence weakens the statement being
made as well as the authority of the speaker. It communicates
that the speaker is not completely confident so must ask
for reassurance.
Another
example of ‘weak’ language is using qualifiers
such as ‘some,’ ‘sort of,’ ‘just,’
‘only,' and ‘kind of.’ For example:
“This is kind of exciting,” “This is
just a suggestion,” and “I only meant to clarify
that,” are all weak statements. Again, not only
is the message weakened, but so is the strength of the
speaker.
6.
Respectful Confrontation
Many people, and women in particular, are eager for peace
and comfort both at home and at work. Even the idea of
conflict and confrontation makes them uncomfortable. However,
it is often through confrontation that solutions are found.
At Talk Works, we say that burnout doesn’t come
from workplace problems – it comes from having the
same problems over and over with no solutions. It may
help to ask yourself what’s worse: feeling angry,
resentful or frustrated with a situation every day you
come into work, or finding the courage to have a conversation
that, while uncomfortable, will likely resolve the issue
and the negative feelings. Have this kind of conversation
when you are not overly emotional (in other words, never
begin a difficult discussion “in the moment”
when your feelings have more control than your intellect)
and avoid pointing the finger or placing blame (even if
you feel it would be appropriate to do so). Talk only
about yourself and remain focused on the solution you’re
working toward.
7. Yes, But
Chellie Campbell of Los Angeles teaches a phenomenal course
called Financial Stress Reduction. In the first class,
she has each student state their goals for the course.
She then talks to each individual about suggestions for
how to reach their goals. Every time she makes a suggestion
and is greeted with a “Yes, but” response
(e.g.,“Yes, but I’ve already tried that,”
or “Yes, but people in my industry just don’t
do that.”), she tosses over a pin with “Yes,
but” printed in large, red letters. By the end of
the first class many people are covered in these pins.
Women seem to be especially vulnerable to the “Yes,
but” syndrome and it is entirely counterproductive,
particularly in a work setting. Decide that you will refuse
to focus on why something can’t or won’t work.
Instead decide that all ideas are productive and that
moving toward successful solutions involves a constant
flow of ideas – most of which have potential deserve
thoughtful consideration before they’re “Yes,
butted” off the table. You will become an integral
part of any team if you are willing to build ideas rather
than discard them.
8.
Speak Up
Women in the workplace fail to speak up in two important
ways. First, women tend to allow men to interrupt them.
Men, in general, jump in with their ideas, assert what
they think and therefore interrupt more than women. In
response to this male communication pattern, women frequently
allow themselves to be cut off and their ideas to be silenced
or even usurped by their male counterparts. We suggest
that women calmly hold their ground when they are interrupted
by saying something like, “To continue my point…”
or “Just a minute, I’d like to finish my point.”
Second,
women remain silent during meetings. Women frequently
wait to be called on or have difficulty taking the floor.
It is crucial to speak up at least once during every business
meeting, even if you are simply agreeing with a point
being made, or summarizing what has been said. Not saying
anything can be interpreted as a lack of knowledge or
ability. Speak up to ensure that your strengths and knowledge
are accurately perceived.
Courage
is the foundation of successful communication –
and successful communication is the foundation of great
achievement. Is it difficult to strive for “respect”
above “being liked” or to avoid “weak”
language so that people hear your message more clearly?
Yes. Does fearless communication mean that you have to
be aggressive, even masculine, at work? Absolutely not!
Ideally, the kind of strength you will develop in your
communication will allow you to be direct and assertive
and will create an environment for others to feel this
freedom as well. Be yourself, be authentic and communicate
fearlessly.
By
Victoria Simon, Ph.D.,CEO and Holly Pedersen,
Ph.D., President of Talk Works, a communication
and conflict-resolution training company located at 468
N. Camden Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90201. For more information
call: 310.860.5191, or visit www.OurTalkWorks.com.
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