ABC News: Nancy Clark, CEO WomensMedia

Nearly every female executive I’ve talked with has admitted to crying at work. Their stories usually follow this same pattern:

I burst into tears—early in my career—and was mortified at what I was doing. I had lost complete control of myself. It didn’t matter what other people thought of me as much as what I thought of myself. I have to make sure this NEVER happens again! Each woman then began to develop her own techniques to put into action whenever she felt this might start happening again. And the good news here is that the high-level executives I talked with said they’ve learned to control this behavior.

The men observing tearful outbursts were extremely uncomfortable and in a quandary about what an appropriate response is in the workplace. At home, they might hug the woman, but not at work. Some men reacted by staring at their paperwork and some tried patting the woman on the back. In a few instances, men said they wondered if they were being manipulated.

A woman observing an outburst does not approve of it either. She thinks the other woman should have more control.

I know how much women want to learn techniques they can put into action whenever this might happen. I know because they emailed WomensMedia in huge numbers when we asked if they wanted information on “Crying at the Office.” We then asked a psychotherapist (Linda Poverny) and an executive coach (Susan Picascia) to work together to write an article for WomensMedia. They advised women to:

2. Increase your self-awareness. Try to figure out if you’re crying because you’re actually angry. If that’s the case, take a deep breath and focus on solving the problem that’s making you angry. Re-focusing on the problem will help you calm down.

3. Women often cry when they feel overwhelmed with work or if their efforts go unrecognized. The advice here to seek out a mentor or a coach to help you. Learn to cultivate a sense of optimism—to realize things generally work out.

4. Compartmentalize — If you frequently cry at the office, your personal life may be intruding on your business life. Create a boundary between the two. And seek support to help you in your personal life.

5. Women are sensitive to personal criticism. Even though this hurts, learn to retrain yourself. You might try focusing on your breathing and using relaxation techniques to slow down your reactions and gain control.

6. Another technique is to focus on Content instead of the Criticism. For example, comment on how you can the reports in more quickly rather than on the remark about “You’re too slow.”

7. And if you must, excuse yourself from the room. We advise women to say, “Excuse me. I’d like to finish this discussion tomorrow.” Then, put on your sunglasses and leave the office for a while.

Want to know more?Listen to this (always less than 10 minutes):
Is It OK If Big Girls Cry In The Office? —Business and Emotions (In Control) Are A Good Mix or read it here.

Quotes by Nancy Clark
CEO, WomensMedia

“Men and women aren’t planets apart, but their stereotypes sure are!”
—Nancy Clark

“Don’t match the stereotype. Be the new one.”
—Nancy Clark

“Honor your talents and act like a woman—a smart woman—who knows how to jump over business obstacles, even in heels.”
—Nancy Clark

“Men are allies in the women's revolution,
because it's good for families, and good for business.”
—Nancy Clark

"The nature-nurture question is muddied by stereotypes."
—Nancy Clark

“The time is right for women in business. Learn to avoid the remaining obstacles and the glass ceiling will cease to exist!”
—Nancy Clark

“The playing field is being leveled, even for those players
wearing heels!”
—Nancy Clark

“When both women and men bring their strengths to the workplace, business benefits.”
—Nancy Clark

"Instead of a lawsuit, I say shine a spotlight on double standards in the workplace. People will decide what’s not acceptable behavior. Public opinion brings rapid change, and that’s what I anticipate."
—Nancy Clark

"The good news for women is that business now wants
collaborative leadership, relationship skills, sharing of information, and win/win negotiation—skills that come easily to most women."
—Nancy Clark

"In today’s male business culture, a woman needs to have a few more tools than a man, but fortunately for us, we carry a purse."
—Nancy Clark

“Men are changing when women are negotiating the second shift.”
—Nancy Clark

"The saying 'Nice girls don’t ask!' is yesterday’s advice for business.
Today’s advice is 'Women ask, and ask,
and appreciate what they get.' ”
—Nancy Clark

Television, Radio, Seminar, Keynote

Nancy Clark, author of upcoming book Working in Heels, speaks to television and radio audiences:

What Women Can Do and What Men Can Do to
Work Better Together

We're Waking Up: It's Been 77 Cents for the Last Ten Years!

Keynote for Women's Audience:

The Tipping Point in Favor of Women

Keynote for All Audiences:

What CEO's Want to Know: What Do Women Want?

The New York Times: Big Girls Don't Cry

ABC News: Crying at the Office

The Wall Street Journal:
DropTiresome "Rules" for Women at the Top

Hot Topics:

The Stereotyping Myth —Power or No Power Creates Stereotypes, Not Nature

Are Women As Competitive As Men? —Do Women Avoid Competition?

Nature vs. Nurture
Men And Women: Different But Equal

Look For An Oprah Business!—Women Want A Job They Feel Good About

Proof That Women Make Great Managers
—Studies Show Areas Where Women Excel

Working With Women Without Catfighting —How To Resolve Conflict Without Catfighting

Female Entrepreneurs Are Gaining Momentum
—Why Are Women Starting Businesses At Twice The Rate Of Men?

To Brag Or Not To Brag? —How To Promote Yourself Without Bragging

Nancy Clark is the CEO of WomensMedia and author of the
upcoming book Working in Heels, in which she gives 12 Monthly Steps: How You Can Act Like a Woman and Succeed in Business.

The Tipping Point in Favor of Women, keynote presented to
Women in Cable & Telecommunications

See Nancy Clark at .

The Learning Annex catalogs reach more than 10 million people. Check listings for the following cities: New York, Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Montreal, Toronto, Edmonton, Calgary, and Vancouver.

About the Speaker:

Nancy Clark is the CEO of WomensMedia, the #1 Site for Working Women. As a well-known expert on Gender in the Workplace, she has been requested to speak at conferences, businesses, and even at the Pentagon.