One of the secrets to living life to the fullest is to give yourself permission to feel everything, while not getting stuck in negative emotions. Every single feeling you feel is valid and legitimate. It may not always be appropriate, but the fact remains that you are feeling it, and that makes it "legal." We often do more harm by trying to not feel negative emotions than by allowing them expression.

Here are some suggestions for living through negative emotions instead of looking for ways around, over, or under them.

One goal of self-development is learning to handle anything that comes your way. You can't do that by pretending that you do not occasionally have a negative response. Most of us almost never try to hide a positive emotion; we need to expand that philosophy to all emotions.

The emotion is not bigger than you are. Don't be afraid of being overwhelmed by an emotion; in reality, it almost never happens. What makes the feeling so powerful is the energy you put into not admitting you are feeling it. Fear, anger, guilt, and resentment—these are all like small children pulling at your leg. They get louder and louder until you finally ask what they want. Most of the time, the response is "nothing." What they want is your attention, and once they have it, they can move on.

Stay in the present and articulate exactly what you are feeling. There is value in being able to identify exactly what you are feeling. For example, there is a world of difference between apprehensive and paralyzed with fear, yet we often don't make the distinction. We generalize the feeling and say we are afraid. For me, being apprehensive doesn't necessarily mean an inability to take action. There is something going on, yes, but it could be as simple as feeling apprehensive about a new experience. Taking the time to get clear can often get you moving again.

Don't try to rise above it. I often have clients tell me that allowing themselves to feel negative emotions seems contradictory to their goal of self-development. But, it isn't the emotion that gets in the way of personal growth, it's how much time you spend feeling it. I once knew a person who was quite proud of the fact that he never got angry. As I reflected on this, I realized that it was true—he never got angry. He was always angry. His anger was expressed in passive-aggressive behavior. It was never overt or loud anger, but it ran through each and every interaction he had. How could that possibly be better then never showing anger?

Set a time limit on how long you will vent, rant or whine. Five minutes is usually a good time frame. Most of us will exhaust all the negativity in about five minutes, in the process freeing up a ton of energy that we can devote to achieving our goals. If five minutes isn't enough, wait a couple of hours and then give yourself five more minutes. The very act of setting a time limit gives you a sense of control and helps put the negative feeling into perspective.

When an emotion hovers just under the surface, try to bring it out. Watch a movie that will stimulate the tears. Movies that make me cry just about every single time I see them are Pay it Forward, An Affair to Remember,Terms of Endearment and all three of the Lord of the Rings movies. I'm sure you can think of a few of your own. Rent the movie, get out the Kleenex and let yourself go.

Find a physical means of releasing negative energy. For example, put extra energy into exercise you are already doing, such as walking, jogging, or bike riding. Or go for a full-out release by slamming a punching bag or screaming at the top of your lungs. The key is to release the negative energy so it won't be directed at some innocent person.

Don't forget the power of the written word. Take time to sit down and write out what you are feeling. Any way that you are able to clarify your emotions is good. In the heat of emotion, most of us have thoughts rumbling through our brains. Writing them down can bring clarity and, more importantly, release. If someone else is involved, try writing a letter or postcard to that person. Then tear it up.

Negative emotions are seldom logical. It is possible, however, to use logic to dissipate the energy. If that works, fine. If not, try a physical release.

Become aware of your personal response to fear. In the past, I sometimes used sickness is a legitimate reason for not doing something I was afraid to do. Now, when I'm sick I ask myself, is this real, or is this a fear that I'm unwilling to look at? Most of us have something that we use to keep ourselves from taking action. Look for yours!

About the Author

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY to live their best life, WILLING to explore all options and ABLE to accept total support. Visit her website at http://www.touchpointcoaching.com. Take the Coaching Challenge to find out if you’re ready to go to the next level.