Self-esteem is a term that gets bandied around a lot, often a little too frivolously. The downside is that self-esteem has become a cliché, an easy label, and the subject of considerable derisive humor. The upside is that almost everyone knows the meaning and importance of self-esteem—that happiness, self-empowerment, satisfaction in work, good relationships and success are all built on a foundation of healthy self-esteem.

We can look at the Panama Canal as an analogy for effective listening skills. Massive gates hold back the higher water from the next gate with a lower water level. The pressure builds up and when the gate is opened, the flow is in one direction. We can compare this scene to the state of mind of an individual suffering from deep emotional wounds, or involved in a serious interpersonal conflict. If she’s holding in her emotions, she needs a release. At this point, she’s unlikely to think clearly about the challenge or to be receptive to input from another.