Have you ever noticed the surge of energy that usually accompanies a first-time pursuit? Sometimes it's pure excitement—anticipation of the good feeling you know you're going to have after you've done it. Sometimes it's nervousness—usually because you don't know exactly how you are going to feel once it's done. And sometimes it's good old-fashioned fear—anticipation that the outcome of what you want to do will hurt you in some way, either physically or emotionally.

Distinguish Positive From Negative Fear

Excitement and nervousness can be considered beneficial (or neutral), in that they usually don't stop us from doing what we want to do. Fear, on the other hand, can be positive or negative. It's positive when it stops us from doing something stupid or potentially harmful. 

However, negative fear usually just stops us from doing what we want to do, what makes sense for us to do, what takes us closer to our goals. In such cases, we're usually afraid of not getting what we want or of looking silly, stupid or inadequate while doing it. The longer we give in to this fear, the stronger it becomes, the harder it is to do the new thing, and the further away from our goals we get.  

The only thing gained by allowing fear to stop us is a guarantee that we won't get what we want! This is probably obvious to you, but I needed to have it pointed out to me, so maybe it helps to state it here. 

Don't Give Yourself Permission for Inaction

When fear is really strong, we sometimes look for deep, unconscious motivations. This trap can be particularly paralyzing. We’ve all experienced times when our fear seemed to be rooted deep in the subconscious—often from events early in our lives. Very often, that type of fear requires some awareness or healing before we can move past it. The trap is in thinking that every persistent fear needs concentrated healing. This shifts our focus away from the action we want to take and toward the fear itself. We start thinking about the fear, what's causing it, and how we can get over it, giving ourselves permission for inaction.

If it's truly not the right time for something to happen, then in my experience, it usually doesn't. But we shouldn't underestimate the power of not wanting to look silly or inadequate. The fear that this might happen often makes us delay long past the ideal time to take action. How often have you finally done something you've been putting off and then asked yourself, "Why in the world did I wait so long to do this?" If you can think of many examples, then you've got a classic case of "Fear of Firsts!" 

Gaining awareness that your fear is related to the unfamiliarity of the situation may go a long way toward allowing you to face it squarely and do the thing you are putting off. Here are some additional suggestions to help move you through the fear: 

Take a Deep Breath

Breathe slowly and become aware of your breathing. When you focus on your breathing, you will automatically begin breathing more slowly and deeply. This allows you to get to that "centered" space, the space where you can view the situation objectively, where you know what you are capable of, and where you can again see the potential in what you want to do. Focusing on your breathing often can move you from fear to nervousness to excitement in a matter of moments. 

Focus on Others

If other people are involved, shift the focus from you to them. We sometimes worry so much about what others are thinking about us that we miss the opportunity to identify what they need and how we can help them achieve it. A dear friend shared a story of her early days in real estate when her fear of what clients were thinking jeopardized her ability to sell. It wasn't until she started focusing on the clients, and how she could help them through the stressful buying/selling experience, that she was able to turn the business around and enjoy success. Tuning in to other people puts a whole new slant on things, allowing fears to recede long enough for us to realize there's nothing to be scared of! 

Blow Up Your Fear

This is an effective exercise that you can do in just a few minutes. Close your eyes and breathe slowly. Visualize yourself in a calm, peaceful place. Allow yourself to think of the situation you are avoiding until you can firmly feel the fear around it. "See" yourself identifying the place inside you where the fear is (usually the stomach). Put both hands over this area and pull out the fear. Hold the fear in your hands and look at it for a moment. Then notice that there is a brown cardboard box, just large enough to hold the fear, on the ground in front of you. Place the fear in the box and close it. Keep your eyes on the box and see it get larger. As you stand and watch the box (breathing slowly all the time), see it grow and grow. See it become as large as you, as large as the room, as large as the house, as large as the town, as large as the country, as large as the world --- until it grows so large it just explodes like a balloon. Once it's gone, take a moment to notice how you feel without the fear. Take a few more deep breaths and open your eyes. If the fear has really taken hold, you may need to do this a few times. Each time you do, you'll notice that the box explodes at a smaller and smaller size.

About the Author

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY to live their best life, WILLING to explore all options and ABLE to accept total support. Visit her website at http://www.touchpointcoaching.com. Take the Coaching Challenge to find out if you’re ready to go to the next level.