Are you using more e-mail these day and experiencing less and less face-to-face contact with colleagues and clients? Do your kids prefer video games to team sports on the playground? At times, do you look for ways to avoid talking to people, or call when you’re sure to reach voice mail instead of a real person? 

According to a Stanford University study, the prevalence of shyness in our society has increased 10% in the last 20 years from 40% to 48%, and will continue increasing as we rely more and more on technology as our communication medium of choice. Overuse of voice mail, e-mail and the Internet can rob us — of opportunities for face-to-face communication, of the personal interaction we need as social beings, and of the opportunity to build and nurture successful personal and professional relationships. 

The best communicators have the best people skills. They are friendly, open, ask good questions, listen more than talk, and don’t interrupt. They make other people feel that what those people have to say matters. . . whether they are speaking with a customer, colleague, or child.   

Here are 10 suggestions for maintaining and developing greater social skills:

1. At the office, as you walk down the hallways acknowledge people with a friendly smile and hello.

2. Every day, however briefly, make it a point to call or visit a colleague to network or share information.

3. When meeting new people, be the first to say hello and extend your hand.

4. Project positive body language by using open gestures. Your gestures are five-to-ten times more powerful than your words.

5. Change your voice mail message often. Let people hear energy and a smile in your voice.

6. When communicating face-to-face, maintain eye contact for several seconds at a time and, to put people at ease, match the amount of eye contact given to you.

7. To build rapport, ask good questions and practice respectful listening by not interrupting.

8. Acknowledge the remarks and feelings of others with good attending skills and avoid “topping” what they have said.

9. Remember to say “thank you” and show appreciation either in person or in handwritten notes.  Everyone craves genuine recognition and it is the number one factor in retaining customers and employees.

10.  At home, institute a non-technology hour once a day (no telephone, television, video games, or Internet) where you can practice listening, appreciating, and communicating with your family.

The key is to use technology as a tool and not as a replacement for personal contact.  Eighty-five percent of our success in life comes from our ability to get along well with other people and, in order to make that happen, we must be able to communicate well. Try incorporating several, or all, of the above suggestions and then start noticing the positive difference in your relationships and your life. 

Mary-Ellen Drummond, president of Polished Presentations International, is a professional speaker specializing in communication excellence, and is the author of Fearless & Flawless Public Speaking. Her latest book is A Woman's Way to Incredible Success in Business. She may be contacted at: www.medrummond.com. 

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