Family-friendly workplace policies make good business sense. Tensions between work and home life distract; they increase stress. They are bad for families, bad for employees, and bad for employers. The Boston Bar Association’s recent study “Facing the Grail,” for example, discovered that 43 percent of associates stay less than three years at a firm. For women and minorities the figure goes even higher. The high rate of departure is a losing proposition for the firms since it takes four years on average to recoup the original investment in an associate’s training. Recognition of the costs is not limited to the professions. IBM, in fact, has been at the forefront of job sharing and telecommuting and recently targeted $25 million to expand or improve the childcare and elder care facilities on corporate campuses.

But balancing work-and-family issues remains as difficult for corporations as it is for their employees. Even when family-friendly policies are in place at a company, the individual employee must make the business case that fits her personal situation. Putting forward a persuasive business case can be particularly challenging at companies that have yet to adopt firm-wide policies. Arguments about fairness won’t work and can do damage. Lingering under the surface of any fairness argument is the accusation that the decision-maker is not fair—that he or she needs to shape up and get with the program. That is not the place to start the negotiations if you want a favorable hearing. It puts your listener on the defensive. He or she may quite legitimately object to being cast as an enemy of motherhood and apple pie. In fact, what you consider a “fair arrangement” may cause a boss scheduling headaches and precipitate grumbling from colleagues about extra work or inconvenience. Any solid business case must take those factors into account.

Making the Business Case

Companies want to attract and retain good people. They want to be known as good places to work, places that draw talent. Before a manager can be convinced to accommodate work/family demands, he or she needs to believe that the accommodation is practical andthat it is worth making in your specific situation. Moreover, the jobless recovery puts little pressure on employers. With a loose labor market they might not be so willing to be accommodating in order to keep or attract good people as they were just a few years ago.

Also the possible arrangements range widely—from telecommuting to job sharing and on-site daycare. Before you can build a business case for a particular work/family arrangement, you have to be sure about what you want. The effects of these decisions ripple into the future and should be made in the context of an overall career strategy. Once you are clear about solutions that work for you, you must then persuade the decision-makers that at least one solution works from their perspective too.

How do you go about making that business case? Three steps are involved.

Step #1: Learn as Much as You Can

Information is a valuable commodity in negotiations. Two distinct kinds of information come into play in negotiations. Factual information provides the hard data—the pertinent facts and the intelligence about policies, practices, and precedents—that you use to back up your arguments. Scouting information helps you predict the hearing those arguments will get so you can fine-tune your approach.

To negotiate work/family arrangements effectively, you must base your case on a solid informational foundation. You have to be ready to supply concrete reasons why, say, a day or two telecommuting would not disrupt the workflow. Factual information can also ground the discussion and prevent it from deteriorating into a debate over personal preferences and beliefs. Facts extend well beyond quantitative data. They cover a whole host of organizational policies and precedents as well as comparisons that can be drawn from other sources. If, for example, you want to propose a flexible work schedule, you can make your argument more effectively if you can point to other examples within the organization or to arrangements at other companies that have worked well.

Factual information like this takes away some of the situation’s uncertainty. Scouting information, on the other hand, allows you to anticipate problems. If your demands are likely to bump up against entrenched attitudes or established ways of doing things, you know where to fine-tune your requests. Flexible schedules can create headaches for management. They can also present career challenges for women in situations where “face time” is important for advancement. Without safeguards in place you can find yourself gradually working longer hours but still being regarded as a part-time employee on the “mommy track.”

Abundant information is available on work/family issues, especially online. The Families and Work Institute website is one source. Another is Juggling Work and Family with Hedrick Smith, which features a list of national organizations that offer help and information as well as a reading list for employees and managers.

Step #2: Demonstrate the Value You Bring to the Organization

It is important to establish the value you bring to an organization before you get into the complications—like special work/family arrangements. That starts the negotiations off on a positive note rather than with a problem. This rule applies whether you are already on board or are trying to get in the door.

People negotiate with you openly when you have something they want. Take stock. What assets do you offer that the company really needs? Knowing your value gives you a psychological edge in a negotiation. You may want the job and the flexible schedule, but the company has to believe that it would be getting something of equal value in return. It is your job to make that case—to put your value right there on the table where it becomes obvious. Once managers are convinced that you would make their life easier or their operations more productive, they are much more inclined to talk about what you need to make that happen. Suppose, for example, that you want to relocate to another office for personal family reasons. The department head (and the controller) may look more favorably on the shift in venue if it moves you closer to your key customer. Rather than issue an ultimatum, you can point to the obvious benefits of the move.

Step #3: Be Flexible

More often than not negotiations involve change. Creating a flexible work schedule or introducing a job share moves a negotiation beyond a simple yes-or-no proposition. A manager may want to accommodate your needs, but not be sure how without unduly disrupting the workflow or establishing a precedent. You must provide concrete incentives for the manager to work with you in finding a solution.

The more ways you can give the other person to say yes, the better your chances are that he or she will. Presented with one proposal, the other side has a choice: yes or no. He or she may not be disposed to say no, but may find that particular solution problematic. With more options to choose from, he or she has more room to maneuver and more flexibility to say yes. If the company has been slow to implement family/friendly policies, a manager might consider a trial run—a three-month experiment that could be reassessed. That reassessment is key; it allows you both to test the arrangements and see how they work. You don’t want to succeed in arranging a telecommuting schedule only to find that you are gradually being cut out of the loop at the office. Any good proposal will have safeguards built in for both sides.

Learn More

To find out more about the common obstacles women face at the bargaining table, visit the authors’ Web site:www.theshadownegotiation.com. Discover the results of a recent survey in which more than 400 women evaluated their bargaining skills.

© The Shadow Negotiation, LLC

About the Authors

Deborah M. Kolb is professor of management at the Simmons Graduate School of Management and founder of its Center for Gender and Organizations. She is also a senior fellow and former executive director of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. She holds a PhD from MIT.

Judith Williams is the founder of a not-for-profit corporation dedicated to the study of organizational change and how women can promote it. She has worked in publishing and investment banking and holds a PhD from Harvard University.

Kolb and Williams co-authored the award-winning book, The Shadow Negotiation, named by the Harvard Business Review as one of the top books of 2000, and the expanded paperback edition, Everyday Negotiation: Navigating the Hidden Agendas of Bargaining, published by Jossey-Bass.